You know you are a Greater Swiss Mountain Dog Owner when...

* the sound of running water makes you jump up and yell, "OUTSIDE!"

* it takes 4 people to get your dog on the scale at the vets

* you walk your dog and everyone knows him by name, but you have no idea who these people are

* you can carry on a conversation with a dog's muzzle firmly in your crotch

* you carry a tape measure with you when shopping for a new vehicle

* you are hiking with a friend who later suggests that you ought to have an environmental impact statement done on your dog

* you take your dog for a ride and he rests his head on your arm, causing you to make random right turns

* you have given up on water dishes and you just use the bathtub

* you have to hurry when brushing your teeth because your dog wants to eat the toothpaste

* you show a picture of your dogs and kids together, and the first person you point out is your dog

* while stopped at a stop light, everyone stares as your car rocks back and forth

* when you go to vacuum your car, most of the car is covered in tri-color hair

* when the FedEx man has to make a delivery, he leaves your packages on the driveway

* you've learned to force a smile when asked "do you have a saddle for that thing?"

* the monthly dog budget exceeds your home mortgage payment

* your veterinarian has been able to put in a swimming pool, build a large home, buy jet skis and a personal plane

* you have had to train your dog not to lick dishes, and the dishes are in the sink

* your dog can see what you're cooking, and he tries to assist you in the preparation

* you're holding him straddled between your legs when the doorbell rings, you take a short (but fast!) ride straight to the door

* the pizza delivery people tell you to meet them at the end of the sidewalk

* your dog stands in your lap and reaches over you to stick his head in the drive through window at McDonald's and nearly gives the cashier a heart attack when she turns around to give you your change

* you purchase a large screen TV and you still can't see the program when he stands in front of the television

* the most common question you are asked "Is that a mixed breed or a St. Bernard?"