* the sound of running water makes you jump up and yell, "OUTSIDE!"
* it takes 4 people to get your dog on the scale at the vets
* you walk your dog and everyone knows him by name, but you have no idea who these people are
* you can carry on a conversation with a dog's muzzle firmly in your crotch
* you carry a tape measure with you when shopping for a new vehicle
* you are hiking with a friend who later suggests that you ought to have an environmental impact statement done on your dog
* you take your dog for a ride and he rests his head on your arm, causing you to make random right turns
* you have given up on water dishes and you just use the bathtub
* you have to hurry when brushing your teeth because your dog wants to eat the toothpaste
* you show a picture of your dogs and kids together, and the first person you point out is your dog
* while stopped at a stop light, everyone stares as your car rocks back and forth
* when you go to vacuum your car, most of the car is covered in tri-color hair
* when the FedEx man has to make a delivery, he leaves your packages on the driveway
* you've learned to force a smile when asked "do you have a saddle for that thing?"
* the monthly dog budget exceeds your home mortgage payment
* your veterinarian has been able to put in a swimming pool, build a large home, buy jet skis and a personal plane
* you have had to train your dog not to lick dishes, and the dishes are in the sink
* your dog can see what you're cooking, and he tries to assist you in the preparation
* you're holding him straddled between your legs when the doorbell rings, you take a short (but fast!) ride straight to the door
* the pizza delivery people tell you to meet them at the end of the sidewalk
* your dog stands in your lap and reaches over you to stick his head in the drive through window at McDonald's and nearly gives the cashier a heart attack when she turns around to give you your change
* you purchase a large screen TV and you still can't see the program when he stands in front of the television
* the most common question you are asked "Is that a mixed
breed or a St. Bernard?"